Dizzy

After that optimistic post months ago, I left for my home state of Kerala a few weeks later. Precisely what I had dreaded would happen, happened. I lost all my drive to work and ended up whiling away all my time on the internet, and finishing 8 seasons of Seinfeld in a test week. Spending quarantine there, I did become much more politically astute, watching conservative channels, and liberal ones too, along with communist and even Nazi propaganda (which is easy to come across, all you need is the Internet), while also finding some quality music that I find endearing. My focus was as good as a rifleman taking aim while sitting on the back of a runaway horse, those months I spent there, presumably because of the fact that online classes were decidedly more tiring than conventional ones and that my brain was used to nothing but freedom whenever we visited Kerala. I tried to concentrate upon my studies but all that happened was I overworked myself, lost all trust in my ability to work and waited the whole day for night to fall just so I could get to bed.

But, I must say, this return to home base has rejuvenated my frayed nerves and most interestingly has thankfully, brought the time I need to spend working back down to comfortable levels. I have also, been able to resume work on my long-term project that I shall reveal when it is finished, after a few months.

What I found incredibly interesting with this inadvertent experiment that lasted 3 months was that one is surprisingly incapacitated when not working at a place comfortable to you. Psychological factors may have had a role to play - after all, 'home' is a mental construct - but the mentality and mindset one has is incredibly different from place to place. This certainly is something I must keep in mind and possibly serve someone else in such a situation, for understanding the problem is half the solution.